How does our society learn to objectify women? Are males born gazing, or is male gazing learned? Does culture itself inculcate the drugstore-cowboy catcalling and ogling that we all know from movies, TV shows, and comics? Or do the forces of biology itself, as irresistible as the tides, force men and women into this eternal dance of attraction? Let's ask Josie.

As Dan DeCarlo-created Archie Comics characters, of course Josie is used to being the male gaze object, and Melody even more so, driving men to distraction with her pinup-girl looks since the mid '60s. However by 1977, the constant pressure of always being under the microscope was starting to wear on the poor girl, and even Josie is starting to feel paranoid.

Of course as they say, just because you're paranoid doesn't mean somebody isn't watching you!

And in a startling turn of events, the creepy peeper peeping on Josie and Melody is just some sweaty, disturbed kid!

Meanwhile Alex and Alan M. have assessed the situation with speed and accuracy.

And all the time Josie's mutant eyeball-detecting powers are getting stronger!

Like all the Cabots, Alex takes action! But the girls want him to pick on somebody his own size. Maybe that's what this kid should be doing, spying on kids his own age! Or maybe not spying at all, maybe.

Today on "Pre-Teen Love Confessions" little Bobby explains how his age-defying love forces him to challenge notions of propriety and societal expectation.

And here's the meat of our story, the part where the kid is up front about spying on Melody and using a periscope to spy on Melody, and Melody isn't like "hey, it's weird and creepy to spy on people" but instead the girls are like "isn't that sweet?" And I don't know if it's because Josie and Melody are tone deaf to societal norms, or if it's because Josie and Melody are so used to being stared at that this kid and his periscope are just doing what everybody else does, only from behind some bushes, or if it's because this is just, you know, a comic written by middle aged men about teenage girls and kids, and is going to be a little tone deaf because in 1977 middle-aged men were tone deaf to everything except hating disco and the price of gas.

That's right Melody, reward the creepy behavior. What is this teaching little Timmy here? This is teaching little Timmy that spying on people pays off, and probably also jumpstarts puberty a year or so early.

Flash forward 25 years and Timmy has the entire city wired up with hidden surveillence cameras, invading everybody's privacy. Thanks Melody.

Sorry Alex, you aren't Melody's type. That is to say, apparently Melody's type is something like that of Matthew McConaughey's character in "Dazed And Confused", where she keeps getting older and they stay the same age. All right all right all right no that's creepy.

And here's the moral of the story, everybody wants to stare at Melody, and it's OK to stare at Melody, especially if Melody doesn't catch you staring, and if she does catch you staring she'll kiss you. Now internalize this thinking, and then spend your adolescence and adulthood wondering why women think you're creepy. Well, it's Josie's fault. And now let's cleanse the palate with some Hostess Twinkies.

Mmm-mmm. Nothing better than Hostess Twinkies buried beneath a baseball field, squashed by the smelly feet of Little League players! Have some today! In fact you can probably have those 1977 Hostess Twinkies today. They won't go stale. Ever!