When we finally invent time travel - trust me, it's definitely a thing that is totally likely to happen, maybe - when that great day happens, we're only going to use it for the most crucial, most essential purposes. And the people charged with managing time travel for those essential purposes are definitely going to be highly trained professionals fully aware of their awesome responsibilities.


Or, maybe we'll just use time travel to entertain kleptomaniac tourists, and to provide time-travel guide jobs for young women out for excitement and adventure. Why not? What's the worst that could happen?


In the future the'll focus all their scientific innovation attention on time travel. The future won't be bothered to improve upon things like lamps, beds, or telephones. "It Was Good Enough For Grandpa" will be their motto.


This is just a figure of speech here - she's not really sticking bits of wood into her eyelids, relax everybody, put those matchsticks down.


Uh oh, one of the tourists sent back in time accidentally killed a butterfly and it... no, wait, one of the tourists swiped something from Robin Hood. Which is pretty ironic if you think about it. Imagine what would happen if Robin Hood didn't have his horn with which to call upon his Merry Men to rescue him from danger? He might have to... get another horn from someplace! Or just yell real loud!

And YES for the purposes of this story, Robin Hood is considered a real historical figure who really lived and everything.


Losing a top tourist attraction AND bending the course of space-time into new and possibly horrifying realities beyond our most warped imaginations? Let's not let that happen, because reality and tourist attractions are important.


I know we're blasting back through the decades, but I'm still trying to wrap my head around "Jimmy looking a right Charlie in Lincoln Green tights," which I've ultimately concluded is Cockney slang for "suffering from dysentery in the Middle Ages."


That's right Glory, we get it, you are best girl and everybody's dream date. And so humble, too. Now give a toot, already.


Might have known the sheriff's men would be hiding behind every tree, waiting to hear the familiar horn, so they can go after those darn Duke boys! Or Robin Hood, whichever.


I see somebody ELSE saw the movie where there's a narrow bridge that our heroes must fight each other over!


Remember, this is the fairy tale Robin Hood version of Richard, not the actual real life Richard. Which is why he's here in England, a place the real-life Richard avoided as much as possible.


Maid Marian here has forgotten the first rule of archery safety - never shoot an arrow at anything you don't want to destroy, even if it's a girl that may potentially be more attractive than you.


What we're seeing here is a rare non-ironic, not sarcastic usage of the term "saucy wench." You don't see this often! Not that I blame her, I wouldn't be sending strange girls to visit my boyfriend in his secret make-out glade either. Why ask for trouble?


"Hist! Hist, Sweet Marian!" said Robin Hood. "I'm half-snake now! Hisssst!" he hissed.


If only Robin Hood hadn't bartered his Horn Of Outlaw Band Summoning to that pimply schoolkid who wandered into Sherwood Forest with a school group. I don't think that Pokemon card was worth the trade!


Robin's outlaw band had been waiting just on the other side of the wall; turns out contractually they can't do a thing until that horn gets blown. And now Most Attractive Girl Ever Glory is going to have to get out of here before Robin gets too friendly and something else gets blown - her secret identity as a time traveller, of course! Did you think I meant something else?


Well it sure looks like the Time Travel Tourist Guide here has solved all the problems caused by, uh, time travel tourism. Maybe stop with the time travel tourism already.


And we're back to the present day where Glory can remind us once again how pretty she is and how the boys all fight over her no matter where she goes. Thank you Glory, we get it, you are so special. Sheesh. Maybe spend less time looking in the mirror and more time making sure your tourists aren't changing history!

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