Every once in a while you come across a story that at the time might have been no big deal, but now is something that simply won't fly. That's what we're looking at today. So get out your outrage hat, slip into your cancel pants and we'll begin!

It's another boring day in Riverdale High as Archie shrinks from the romantic attentions of Ava, one of his regular classmates who is a normal, everyday student who merely hasn't happened to appear in any previous Archie stories in the forty-odd years of Archie comics. This absence leads us to think perhaps she'll be used to illustrate a story point the editors didn't want to sully Betty or Veronica with, or maybe she wanted to get that broken right ankle taken care of before becoming a regular.

Ava has to resort to beer advertising slogans to get Archie to kiss her? Face it Ava, he's just not that into you!

By the way, just curious; what have they done with the real, usually girl-crazy Archie?

Looks like Ava came on so strong that Archie might have to -er- take care of something that, uh, kinda happened prematurely. Hey, it happens sometimes.

Failing to toy with Archie's affections for the gratification of her own ego, Ava is forced to question her own feminine charms. Is it true? Is she no longer the sexy, irresistible siren enchanting all five whole pages of her single appearance in Archie comics?

Hell hath no fury like a scorned Riverdale teen queen, as Shakespeare put it. Look out Archie!

Oh! She's going to claim Archie is, uh, using poor quality workmanship in the line of blouses he's been wholesaling. Right?

Straight up accusing Archie Andrews of sexual assault! That's where this comic is going! Well, certainly this is a serious issue, and I'm sure it will be given all the respect and attention we've come to expect from comic books that also star Super Duck and Cosmo The Merry Martian.

Or maybe some green-haired upperclassman will inadvertently reveal his failure to satisfy the needs of this legendary Riverdale High jezebel.

So, "libel" is when it's printed, and "slander" is when it's spoken, right? Asking for a friend (Archie).

In the real world this would lead to parent calls, counseling, maybe a visit from the "School Resource Officer," everything up to and including legal action and public outrage. But in this world, it's all "Gosh, what a scamp that Archie is, he's such a little dickens, to use the slang of teenagers, which is what we are."

And Archie, far from being outraged at this defamation, or suffering any disapproval from his peers, is downright pleased to be seen as a gropey non-consensual sex pest.

And the gals? Nothing the gals like more than a forceful, commanding, blouse-ripping alpha male! That's the lesson Archie Comics wants to impart here to the youth of America? "Treat 'em rough?"

They aren't mad at her for falsely accusing Archie of being a gropey date-rapist... they're mad at her because the students think a gropey date-rapist is a totally awesome thing to be. Which, let's be clear here, it is NOT. Let's chase Ava out of this story and hey, let's just forget this story ever happened. Except when Archie reprints it, which they do, twice. Yeesh.

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