Experts say there are hundreds of millions of insects for every single person on Earth. That's a lot of bug bites! But all insects aren't harmful, disease-ridden pests that exist only to cause misery and itchy welts. No, insects fulfill useful roles in the ecosystem, helping to break down organic matter, pollinate plants, provide a variety of waxes, dyes, and crunchy novelty snacks, and occasionally help to partially inspire comic book characters.


For instance, here in the fifth issue of pre-trend EC Comics "Animal Fables," we meet Freddy Firefly, a tiny insect version of the Human Torch, battling evil in an insect world where insect outlaws ride insect horses.

I guess those are horseflies?


Insects have horses, carriages, dating, criminals, firearms, and some kind of monetary system. Really makes you regret the last time you hosed down the porch with Raid, huh?


Oh, I'm not driving fast enough, Myrtle? You take the reins and see if you can get any more speed out of that unholy abomination hitched to our wagon. Meanwhile, I will burst into flame.


It's unclear whether Firefly is actually on actual fire-type fire, or if this is some sort of chemical luminescence. Maybe he's just glowing red and isn't capable of burning anything, and that's why he's relying on the old one-two punch.


I've heard of knocking somebody's block off, but these Golden Age comics don't fool around!


Look anty, you knew when you got into the outlaw bandit game that sooner or later you'd be attacked by a flaming super being with powers far beyond those of mortal insects, don't act so surprised.


So in Ant Town, all the menial unskilled labor is performed by Black ants. I see what you're doing here, comic! Very subtle.


They're oppressed by the Red ants, who obviously are meant to symbolize the threat of Communism, except that makes no sense whatsoever. What does make sense is how Ant City is built out of bottles and coffeepots and empty cartons. Clearly the human race has exterminated itself, and the insects have inherited the Earth. Serves us right.


Remember, ACAB (all cops are bugs)


Want to date celebrities? Just get smacked in the head by Firefly and then you can start seeing stars! That's clearly what's meant by that expression. I will not be taking questions at this time.


Look, all this story needs is a lazy grasshopper, then all the ants of every color will be instantly busting their ant asses to make sure the grasshopper starves in the winter.


This story has really taken a turn, it started out as a western, turned into a super hero thing, and now it's some sort of ant-infested medieval swashbuckling Scarlet Pimpernel kind of thing?


The tonal shifts in this story are almost making me forget to ask what exactly this wench looks likely to do? Recoil in disgust?


Wishing for death - only one of the jolly kiddie adventures awaiting children everywhere in "Animal Fables."


Meanwhile, Firefly exhorts the rebels to fight fight for their liberties. Easy for you to say, you magic-word-enabled flying firebug!


Remember, they don't have to knock any more.


All it takes is one moment of resistance, a motivated populace pushed to the limit, and a flaming magic firefly to spark revolution. The flaming magic firefly is essential!


Red Ant, leader of the red ants, flees to recruit a new red ant army under the banner of Red Ant. It's all only slightly confusing.


Remember back when this was a Western, with bandits and stuff? And then it was whimsical bugtown? Now it's just full on castles and chariots and sneering royalty.


YAAAAA It wouldn't be a Golden Age comic without some sort of gruesome yet well-deserved death, now would it?


Sure, put the red ants to work, they won't resent that at all, this won't simply create a destructive cycle of revolution and counter-revolution, no sir. Wait a minute, what am I talking about, these are ants! The first picnic that comes along they'll forget what they were fighting about and team up to devour the chocolate cake. And as we return to Western-coded story, we bid farewell to Freddy and Myrtle, whom we strongly advise to stay away from ants of all colors and also stay away from kids with empty jars they've poked holes in the lid of, none of that will end well for you.

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