Back in the 1900s the music industry spent decades furiously manufacturing teen idols, chosen for looks instead of musical talent or authenticity. I'll pause while everyone over the age of 30 reels from the usage of the term "the 1900s," and then we'll admit that the music industry is still working from this same exact playbook. But in the early '90s there was but one laboratory-generated boy band to rule them all, and they were known as the New Kids On The Block. Did they have their own comic book? No! They had a "Rockomic."


In the early 90s, Casper and Richie Rich publishers Harvey were coming out of a rough patch and recalibrating away from rich kids and ghosts and towards concepts American kids were more interested in, with a slew of licensed property comics bringing greater visibility to their line. Chief among these new titles were the New Kids, whose super popularity would undoubtedly drive sales to new heights... what's that? Harvey quit publishing comics altogether a few years later? But surely the comic book adventures of Jordan, Joe, Jon, Danny and Donnie were amazing, right? Right? So get ready for some gripping behind the scenes drama starring one of America's top recording acts as they navigate gruelling performance schedules, the demands of fame, and the temptations of stardom!


Or maybe they just aimlessly wander around some streets.


It's them! It's the New Kids! They're here to perform and have arrived without handlers, equipment, management, or any sort of transportation!


They've arrived in Sledsville, the sledding capital of the world, which begs the question of which came first, the town's name or the town's favorite activity. Now the New Kids will need to brush up on their sledding skills to impress those local girls! But where can they get sleds on short notice?


A store that sells nothing but sleds? Only in Sledsville!


And it's a wacky montage of sled-related personal injury comedy as the New Kids show the lack of coordination and skill that's made them the top entertainment act in America.


Let's see, at this point the New Kids On The Block brand was generating hundreds of millions of dollars in profit from record sales, tours, and merchandise. So no, they probably don't have health insurance.


Hilarious confusion abounds as the girls explain when they say "sleddin'" they mean a new dance craze nobody's ever heard of, and not the actual common activity the town is named for and has at least one retail establishment devoted to.


"Good thinkin' Jordan, we convinced those girls we brought these sleds just to give girls rides on, we wouldn't want those girls to think we were out of it, there's no way they would have anything to do with us otherwise, us being famous musician celebrities and everything."


At least Jordan took off his little hat.

Well, that sure was an exciting adventure for the New Kids. What else could possibly be in store for them?


Future "Band Of Brothers" actor Donnie Wahlberg uses all of his New Kid strength to open this suspicious package.


Remember when you could just mail people? When mail-order brides from tropical paradises were being shipped around the world in crates to show up on the doorsteps of unsuspecting bachelors? All it took was one tragic accident to stop the practice forever, as recounted on the Velvet Underground's "White Light/White Heat" LP.


Not sure which authority would have jurisdiction here, do you call hotel security, or customs & immigration, or the postal inspector?


Her love language is sexual assault!


"Look guys, this hotel suite is only good for a certain amount of wacky hijinks - we need to get to the mall immediately!"


They could have had clothes delivered, maybe just the two of them could have gone to the mall, but no, all five New Kids have to go to the mall together, along with Jordan's pet baby hippo. Hopefully these five immensely successful superstars won't attract any undue attention!


Just hurl yourself lips first at your favorite New Kid!


Buy her a ring? You're in trouble. DON'T buy her a ring? You're ALSO in trouble. Ya can't win!


Just think; usually mall appearances by popular boy bands are good for twenty or thirty thousand dollars in booking fees and merchandise sales. But these clowns are just giving it away!


Sledsville had a sled store, so now I'm assuming they're in Globeton or maybe Globeopolis, which makes it easy to acquire a globe so that this mystery girl can point out where she came from so that she can go back to where she came from. That's right, she had herself shipped to the New Kids, and immediately upon meeting the New Kids, began trying to get away from the New Kids.


Hey gang, why not get your own free jet trip by crating yourself up and having yourself internationally shipped to a boy band? Just tell 'em you read about it in a "rockomic!"

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