As we all know, earlier this week the Rapture happened. Depending on where you went to Sunday school, you might have been taught about this event, in which true believers in Jesus would be raised bodily up to Heavenly paradise, while atheists, heathens and sinners alike were left behind to suffer on an Earth which has been turned over to the forces of Satan for what's known as a "tribulation" period of darkness, horror, and war. So if you're still reading this, congratulations, you're damned.

Many fan-fictional works have been devoted to this exciting time when the one-world supercomputer-equipped forces of the Antichrist roam the land forcing everyone to take the mark of the Beast. And today we find out that even in a post-Rapture world, masked superheroes still fight for truth, justice, and extremely specific brands of prophetic Christianity!


So while you struggle through the collapse of civilization, anticipate enjoying the adventures of The Anticipator, and whatever is going on with his hair, eyes, face, and his body structure in general. He has a lot of problems besides living in a fallen world.


Violence! Chaos! Lawlessness! All on obvious display here in Atlanta. You wouldn't believe the terrible things happening right now in the Peachtree Plaza Hotel, apparently the only building anyone had photo references for.


His name is Brent Black, but he's better known as the Anticipator. Who is, in turn, better known as "trouble." He's changed so much in such a short time! Mostly thanks to the inflatable-muscles suit he bought, and his spinal dislocation.


Before the Rapture he didn't believe in Jesus, but after 350 million people vanished mysteriously, he suddenly got religion! Good one there Jesus, your one amazing trick to get people to believe in you happens AFTER it's too late for people to benefit from believing in you. It's what divinity scholars call "weeding out the casuals."


Look, people were taken away from planet Earth by a power beyond that of humanity, if that isn't "alien abduction" I don't know what is. Would that crash the US economy? The Dow has dropped thousands of points before and so far it's still ticking along, I say let's try some rapture and see what happens.


The missing people were called up by the Lord so they'd escape the terrible days that followed, days in which badly drawn masked men would make poses and talk to themselves.


The post-Rapture world is truly a nightmare. No UberEats or Doordash? We gotta go to the grocery store ourselves? Through "abandon" streets, no less? The living will indeed envy the dead!


Hey Oldman! Gary Oldman! Loved you in "Slow Horses!"


What were you thinking, Oldman? Playing a dwarf in that Matthew McConaughey movie? Well, it doesn't matter. Let's get this game of Laser Tag started!

Yeah, as long as they keep writing "Oldman" instead of "old man," I'm going to keep making fun of it.


It's the one man left in Atlanta that never went to Vacation Bible School, never saw an episode of "The 700 Club," missed all the bestselling novels and feature films based around The Rapture, doesn't own one Larry Norman album or one Spire Christian Comic, never found a Jack Chick tract in a MARTA station, never saw an Iron Maiden music video, and completely missed the other twelve times in the past decade some bible-toting doofus has claimed the Rapture is about to happen.

Maybe I'm a little sarcastic about this, but let me tell you, as someone who grew up in the South, you could not go one single day without somebody somewhere witnessing to you about how the Antichrist was jussssssst about to take over, any day now. Please pardon my skepticism.


Don't you read anything but Variety and Hollywood Reporter, Oldman? The US Government, which can barely handle issuing driver's licenses and passports, somehow built and implemented a system that physically identified and marked every one of the billions of people on the entire planet Earth, including Europe and Asia, two continents that generally don't go along blindly with whatever America tells them to do, and you, Oldman, are the last one without the Mark, so you gotta get with the program, buddy!


Oldman refuses to have anything to do with this whole "mark" business. Why, that isn't even his name!


That's the power of the one-world United Nations Antichrist task force! One bullet fired, TWO empty shells ejected!


Wha? I don't want to try ANYTHING with your maggot! That's disgusting.


Hey Anticipator, mister hero with the guns and the giant muscles and everything, you know when a good time to preach at the bad guys would have been? BEFORE they shot the old man, that's when. Not after. Before.


Oh, you're going to tell me to pray? Well, I'M going to tell YOU to pray! How do you like THAT?


Oh, he doesn't like that. He doesn't like that at all.


The important part about leading paramilitary one-world antichrist police forces is to be right out there in front of your men, you want to be two or three paces in front of them when they start firing automatic weapons. It's really the safest place.


Anatomy, grossly exaggerated; chin, shrinking by the minute; feet, invisible. If you want to know what comic books looked like in the 1990s, this is it! No wonder they command such impressive prices on the collector's market, he said sarcastically!


He's got to end this quickly, there are other old guys across town he needs to watch get shot and die.


I think this is exactly what Jesus had in mind when, during his famous Sermon On The Mount, he told his followers to "smash your fingers into the windpipe of your enemies." It's right there in Luke, I think.


Top tactical comic book warfighting security protocol is to always announce your intentions to your targets before initiating deadly force.


"Perhaps" the Anticipator is going to die someday, but perhaps not! Maybe having your jaw whittled down to a tiny wedge increases human lifespan indefinitely!


The Lord controls my destiny! Jesus himself was with me when I picked out that box of shells at the local gun store, he said "thou shalt use expanding-nose ammunition, yea, so that your rounds shalt deliver maximium penetration and tissue damage unto your foes!"


"I've never seen the police out this far before"? You are in the middle of downtown Atlanta, buddy. "Far out" you are not. Now stand around and mumble about bible prophecy while an old man bleeds out next to you, you big hero, you.


Safe to say the pain one feels at being fatally shot straight through the chest is not a pain one is likely to experience multiple times.


"Just relax, I'm not going to demean you by constantly referring to you as "old man." I'm going to call you "old timer" instead. What are you, forty five? Fifty? So old!"


This poor guy could definitely make it to one of the many hospitals in downtown Atlanta- Grady's trauma center is world class. This comic's writer would know this if they'd bothered to learn anything about the city they decided to set their masked born-again end-times vigilante comic in. Been a while since I last got stitched up in Crawford Long, but Atlanta hospitals are indeed a thing.


The gunshot wound you might be saved from, but whatever is happening to your skull here is beyond treatment, old timer.


Is the Lord the same guy who deformed your entire body into a lumpy nightmare? I'll take Satan, thanks


"Do as I say or burn in eternal hellfire" is the kind of theological reasoning I'd expect from somebody cosplaying as several theme park souvenir balloons sculpted by a particularly disgruntled theme park employee.


Please forgive me Jesus, for the heinous sin of being an older man in a suit who went out to buy groceries and got shot.


Hey gang, if you're ever standing over a murdered corpse, and you're thinking, "what a lucky guy that corpse is," I advise you to seek therapy IMMEDIATELY.


And now, we ask you to anticipate the next issue of The Anticipator! It, like the Rapture, is totally coming any day now, look out, it might be just around the corner, we swear it's going to happen!

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