There's something felonious in your neighborhood? Something larceny or assault related, and it don't look good? Who you gonna call? Gang Busters! That's right, you'll call the popular crime-based radio drama series Gang Busters and tell them all about the particular crime you witnessed, and maybe they'd use it on the show, built as it was around actual police files in an era when America was seemingly overrun with sneering, big-hatted gangsters constantly robbing banks, sticking up gas stations, shaking down candy stores for protection money, shoving grapefruit into their girlfriend's faces, and sneering things like "Wise guys, eh?" and "It's curtains for you, Muggsy!" Join us today as we delve deep into one of the many ancillary tie-ins Gang Busters enjoyed as it capitalized on the fear average Americans held towards the more violent aspects of criminality.


So pull on those riding breeches and get ready to start blasting away at any one of the dozens of gangsters you're likely to come across in any random issue of Gang Busters!


Beware, criminals, for your baffling crimes are soon to be eliminated entirely due to the vast network of cops and cop-adjacent organizations now using science in their war on whatever funny business you're up to. These scientific methods include Ballistics, Fingerprints, Lineups, G-Men, and constantly reminding everyone Crime Does Not Pay. Which is why crime is now, of course, a thing of the past.


Many times valuable information, clues, and forced confessions were obtained using the Third Degree! Today we call this "torture," but in the 1940s it was just one more tool in the police toolbox, along with radio, rubber hoses, baseball bats and blackjacks. Go ahead, ask for a lawyer, it'll be decades before they'll be legally required to get you one!


Well, if the police force is staffed by light ducks, it's not surprising to see crime run rampant!


Find out if anyone saw the guys! The murderers, I mean, not those other guys we were talking about.


Surrounded by cops? Why not save the state the expense of a trial, and give the police a chance to remind everybody you can't beat the law, especially when you don't give the law a chance to beat you?


Looks pretty good, Bauer. Putting this giant barricade in the middle of the street really ought to cut down on accidents at the corner, because they'll be replaced by accidents in the street itself.


See what I mean?


Today guns make noises like 'bang' or 'pow,' but back in the 40s you could buy pistols with all kinds of interesting reports, like the popular "Okay Punk" model.


Two months later he DIED!!!!!! Which sort of proves crime doesn't pay, but mostly proves pneumonia is no joke!


Thugs, gangsters, sentient, talking red-checked tablecloths - no matter the criminal, they all fall before the leaden hail of police machine gun bullets!


The dust on that car looks suspicous. Also, the interior of that car is the size of a city bus, that's pretty suspicious too.


YOU get life and fifty five years in ALCATRAZ! And YOU get life and fifty five years in ALCATRAZ!!! It's Alcatraz for everyone! Remember, kids, never carry around a lot of cash, or have tattoos. Or you'll go to ALCATRAZ!


It's hard to carry out a life of crime when you're constantly being recognized as the front man for the popular rock combo "U2." Yeah, I'd run too!


They're on tour AGAIN? Look out everyone, Bono and his gang are shooting up the charts - and the motorcycle cops!


The key to any successful kidnapping is to make sure you and your criminal gang are well-rested, so remember, if you feel fatigued, pull over to the side of the road and take a nap.


So the gangsters fall asleep and the kidnap victims, they could just walk away, they could hogtie the criminals and alert the police, or they could just... shoot them execution style in cold blood. Because they deserved it! Give the reward to charity! The "shooting some guys while they slept" award, if there is such a thing.


These criminals expected ones, tens, twenties, but all they got was four - four knuckles!!


One weird trick criminals hate - start shooting, and THEN holler "Drop your guns!"


Armed gangs robbing excursion boats on Lake Michigan? Let's see, maybe - just maybe - we should put some armed guards on those boats. Maybe.


"One thing's for sure, when they strike again we'll be ready for them! Unless they start kicking at us. There's no way anyone could be ready for that."


Nearby, a young Sam & Dave are instantly struck with the inspiration for one of their top ten soul hits! "Owww I'm Hit (By Your Love)" peaked at number 8, and was later covered by a wide variety of acts.


As the excursion robbery spree of F. Murray Abraham comes to a close, let this be a warning to all who would seek to defy the law for their own ill-gotten gain - CRIME DOES NOT PAY!! Unless you make a radio show out of it, in which case it's a freaking gold mine.

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