Are you a stamp collector who hates comics? A comics fan who thinks stamps are for losers? Someone under the age of 30 who has never used a stamp or mailed a letter? Well, here's a comic book that won't change your opinions about any of this in the slightest. But it's sure gonna try!


All the excitement and thrills of pasting tiny bits of perforated paper into an album, finally in comic book form. Now onlookers will have twice as many things about which to ask "who cares?" and "why are you wasting your time with this nonsense?"


The wonder and beauty of stamps comes alive here in this grainy black and white reproduction of what was probably a pretty classy looking stamp. Oh well. At least we get to read about a horrifying disaster.


Is this reporter describing a dirigible disaster or a fashion show tragedy caused by an errant lit cigarette?


Quite possibly the most famous bit of newsreel announcing in history goes unremarked upon. To be covered here, someone would have had to have issued an "Oh The Humanity" stamp, I guess.


Easy now, easy, we'll have you out of there in whatever the German word for "jiffy" is. By the way, that cabin boy went on to become an Olympic ice skating coach!


Don't let this tragedy fail to serve a greater purpose. Become conscious of helium, and also of how "conscious" is spelled, today!


Just take our word for it, this beautiful three-cent Panama Canal stamp is supposed to be a lovely deep red violet. Instead, the blurry halftones and spotty reproduction will have to symbolize American "grit" as well as American dust, American grime, and other American impediments to quality printing.


The French made a heroic effort to dig that canal, but they couldn't quite figure out how to combine the vital ingredients of "A man, a plan, a canal: Panama!"


For several years the giant earth moving machines lay idle while the jungle reclaimed the workers' quarters and two guys wandered around asking why nobody was doing anything. Maybe it's because everybody's just standing around talking!


Finally the United States stepped in and got to work covering the entire Isthmus of Panama with a thin layer of oil, having confused the orders for "digging a canal" with instructions for frying pork chops.


Look buddy, those canal workers in Ancon are sweating their socks off, they deserve all the Dairy Queen Frosties and Mister Mistys you can give them!


Reshaping the crust of the Earth itself, the greatest engineering feat in the history of mankind deserves nothing more than the highest accolades humanity can offer, which is to say, a three cent stamp.


Ya see, it's like the popular newspaper feature "Ripley's Believe It Or Not," except it's only about stamps, and it's just different enough to not be legally actionable. Wait a minute, why is this feature boring us with nonsense about Malta and Fiji and St. Helena without any associated stamps? We're here for stamps!!


Step one: overcome the cripping personality disorders that forced you to get into stamp collecting in the first place.


Here we see this Stamps comic book really stretching as they take a stamp commemorating Fort Bliss and use it as a springboard to deliver a lecture on the history of rocketry, as well as demonstrating their inability to correctly spell the name of the main figure of one of the world's great religions.


Just think, if they'd listened to Hero here, we would had Thomas The Tank Engine thousands of years early!


It took the genius of the Italian De Fontana to finally grasp how wooden fortificatons could be set on fire. Apparently nobody had figured out that whole 'wood is flammable' thing yet. Luckily, the cannon was invented shortly thereafter, sparing armies the indignity of fighting with embarrassing cartoony rocket fish.


Yeeow! Aiii! This scheme of blasting men around in rocket chairs is a disaster, it is better man should propel himself by his own power! And that's why people everywhere quit riding horses forever.


Noted mathmatician Sir Issac Newton had better luck because... he never actually built any steam cars, he just wrote up a proposal for one. But don't let our pedantic adherence to the truth spoil a good devil-snatching!


For this next one we wandered through suburban neighborhoods looking for middle-aged guys who wanted to discuss World War Two trivia. After sorting through thirty or forty thousand applicants, we settled on Bob, who says here "Okay first off there were lots of rocket weapons in use before the bazooka was introduced in 1942. For instance, the Nebelwerfer here. But after all, this is a comic book that misspells "Christ," so I guess we can't ask for accuracy."


Bob says "is this stamp comic book trying to say these weapons were all developed in response to each other? No, these were all separately developed... oh come on, don't they know the first American jet was the Bell AiraCOMET, not Airacobra? And it never saw combat. Do better, comic!"


"These guys have been huffing too much stamp glue, they never made more than fifty Airacomets because it was an underpowered wussmobile. You want a REAL WWII fighter jet, you want the Gloster Meteor or the ME-262, that's what you want."


"Sigh. The Germans started working on the V-2 in the '30s, pilots were knocking down V-1s with propeller planes, and whatever that is in the comic book panel, that ain't a V-2. Next stop for this comic book is the garbage can. I'm going back to mowing the lawn, see you clowns later."


And now, the story of the world's most valuable stamp, and how it came to be displayed in the world's most ridiculous frame.


Young Master Prissy Foppington takes time out from dance recitals and elocution lessons to wander through random British Guiana attics looking for stamps, and also to avoid being killed by whatever horrifying wildlife infests attics in British Guiana.


From there the little stamp went on a magical journey to Scotland (actually the guy was from Liverpool), Austria, France, and America, the price tag rising steadily every time. To this amazing occurence we can only repeat "Morbleau." Morbleau indeed.


Today this weird bit of paper commands an astonishing value and the fascination of the entire world, which isn't enough to stop this comic from misidentifing it as a "one penny" stamp, just one more error in this remarkably goof-prone magazine. Come on fellas, you had one job, which was to crib facts from any one of fifty boring "facts about stamps" reference books! But you couldn't even get that right. These days, stamp collecting is a dead hobby, killed by comic books - this comic book in particular.

Become a Patron! Hey gang, thanks for reading Mister Kitty's Stupid Comics! If you enjoyed it and want to show your appreciation, you can now become a patron by hitting that Patreon button above! Or, you can turn off your ad blocker so's our advertisers know you're out there! And remember to visit our YouTube channel, our Facebook group and our Instagram? Why don't you.

PREVIOUS STUPID COMICS
NEXT STUPID COMICS

BACK TO STUPID COMICS INDEX



BACK TO MAIN INDEX