So let's say you're Richie Rich, the richest kid in the world. You have fabulous wealth, loving parents, and world-class personal assistants and android domestics to make your every wish a reality. But you have one problem!


Your problem is that criminals, crooks and burglars keep walking right into your fabulous mansion. I mean, sure, they get arrested almost immediately. And sure, they sometimes have their masculinity diminished in the process. But they still keep getting in somehow!


In spite of all the Rich family's resources, manpower, and technology, somehow these burglars are able to get on the grounds of the Rich estate, break into the Rich family's exercise facility, hide inside one of the Rich family's giant novelty medicine balls, and be smacked around by the Rich family's robot maid.


Mrs. Rich can't even walk through the grounds of her estate without some gun-toting thug trying to turn Richie Rich into Batman. "I'll take that necklace you're wearin', lady!" is what he should be saying.


Part of the problem, seems to me, is that Richie Rich's dad decided he'd just put weirdly oversized safes filled with clearly marked bags of cash right out on the lawn in full view of passers-by. I think legally they call this an 'attractive nuisance', a doctrine that comes into effect "...when an unusually enticing object effectively invites young children onto a property, treating them as invitees rather than trespassers," says Cornell Law. And aren't most criminals really just big kids at heart? How can they resist seeing this entrancing bonanza of wealth?


It's just as well for Richie Rich's continued fortune that most criminals come in pairs, and one member of that pair is invariably a big dumb lummox.


Even noted standup prop comedian Gallagher, during his brief stint as a career criminal, was forced to bring along his mentally deficient "son" as an accomplice to rob the Riches... if this is the Rich estate. Drying clothes on a clothesline is not exactly luxury garment care, after all!


Want to ensure easy access to your fabulous mansion for anyone with a boat, raft, or barge? Build a canal to your front door!


This nefarious kidnapping plot was made possible by canals - the greatest transportation invention in history, right up until the point they invented railroading.


Luckily for Richie these crooks also feature the required Big Doofus, who "sounds too nice to be a crook." Well, it doesn't matter how he sounds, the prosecutor handing down the "accessory to kidnap" charge won't care.


Yes, the vast grounds of the Rich estate are simply swarming with wanna-be kidnappers. Careful Richie, there won't always be a confused robot around to save you! How DO these criminals find their way to the Rich estate, anyway?


Well, as it turns out, sometimes Richie invites crooks over, shows them something fabulously valuable, and then hopes this will inspire them to not try to steal it. Gosh, I wonder if this works.


Of COURSE it doesn't work. Here are some more crooks, here to steal something valuable!


Naturally their plan is foiled because Richie Rich has hired actors to stand around 24/7 as a living reenactment of Rembrandt's... let's see, I think it's "Syndics Of The Draper's Guild." Lucky for somebody it wasn't the one with the dissection in it. Ew!


The crime problem on the Rich househould is so dire, Richie and Gloria can't even spend an afternoon enjoying toy prototypes without a couple of hoods breaking in and swiping everything.


They can't even take a scooter ride to the Rich estate's mountain range without more hoods trying to kidnap them. Get Dad to, I dunno, build a fence or something, Richie!


Sure Richie, I'd love to come over and visit, says Little Dot. Hey, did you ever stop inviting crooks into your home, she asks?


Not content to merely put Gloria and Little Dot in danger, today Richie has invited Little Lotta over to his no doubt swarming-with-gangsters estate.


So here's why there are always crooks on the Rich estate - because there are ALWAYS crooks on the Rich estate. Planning robberies, hanging out, making deals, hoping Mr. Rich doesn't spot them so they can claim adverse possession, the crooks don't have to break in because the crooks were there all along!


Meanwhile, we're apparently getting to see Little Lotta enter puberty.


I would never start a festival for "oi music," but if I did, Oithquake would be a great name for it!


The best way to be champion at something is to pick a thing that nobody else even thought to name, let alone do. You're instantly number one at whatever it is!


I have news for "dangerous land" guy. Weather conditions don't come from the ground.


These freeloading criminal trespassers seem downright ungrateful!


I don't know if I'd call this a "thug trap," it's more like a thug Woodstock combined with a thug Universal Studios disaster movie ride. But at least Richie has finally admitted they have a criminal infestation problem, and is taking concrete, if convoluted, steps to solve it.


Sadly the Rich Estate Athletic Event is for little kids, kids a whole two or three years younger than Richie and Lotta, and Lotta will have to console herself with eating everything in sight. Meanwhile Richie should look into maybe hiring some security, building a perimeter wall, something like that, maybe?

Become a Patron! Hey gang, thanks for reading Mister Kitty's Stupid Comics! If you enjoyed it and want to show your appreciation, you can now become a patron by hitting that Patreon button above! Or, you can turn off your ad blocker so's our advertisers know you're out there! And remember to visit our YouTube channel, our Facebook group and our Instagram? Why don't you.

PREVIOUS STUPID COMICS
NEXT STUPID COMICS

BACK TO STUPID COMICS INDEX



BACK TO MAIN INDEX